Accountants are not known for their sense of collective humour so if you thought cracker jokes were bad, have a few more miserly laughs on us…
- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
- There are just two rules for creating a successful accountancy business: 1. Don’t tell them everything you know. 2. [Redacted]
- What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
- What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
- What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation.
- What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
- What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
- Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse.
- How does an accountant trash their hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
- What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
- Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
- How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
- Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don’t.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will. - Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year. - What’s the difference between death and taxes?
the Chancellor doesn’t make death worse, year after year. - And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail. - How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm, let me run a few numbers and get back to you….
As it’s Christmas…
- Why did Santa get in trouble with the taxman? – He missed the deadline on his elf-assessment
- Where do elves hedge their bets – on the stocking exchange
We did warn you!
Christmas Opening Hours
Fri 24th CLOSED
Mon 27th CLOSED
Tues 28th CLOSED
Wed 29th 8 am – 5 pm
Thurs 30th 8 am – 5 pm
Fri 31st 8 am – 5 pm
Seasons Greetings to all our clients, associates and partners from all at Rackham’s Accountants.
